My oldest daughter could not say the letter R until she was nearly five years old. This was a major problem for me as her name began with R. She pronounced R as “yeh.” Every time someone asked her name, I worried. I took her to a specialist when she was three. The specialist was surprised I had not waited until she was older because it was a normal speech issue for preschoolers. She assured me that she would eventually say Rs and as predicted my daughter complied.
Parents, especially with a first child, are concerned about the child’s developmental milestones and behaviors that might not seem normal or reasonable. The parents want to know that their child is developing normally, or developing faster than normal. No matter that the pediatrician says each child is unique and the parent should not worry if the child is not doing a task that most children can do at a certain age range, the parents worry. If the child develops a habit, such as biting, they research solutions on the internet for hours, talk to professionals, and worry.
From the time my first grandchild was born, I addressed each concern with:
He will give up the bottle by the time he walks down the aisle.
She will start sleeping through the night by the time she walks down the aisle.
He will stop biting by the time he walks down the aisle.
My children always laugh when they hear me say that. But what I have found is that it provides a perspective that what they are worrying about is not earth shattering in the scheme of a child’s developmental milestones or behavioral development. It helps my grandchildren to have relaxed parents. My daughters tell me that when they hear their friends complain about their own child, they now say the same thing to their friends!
So be ready!
Earliest for the parents to worry about are gross motor skills. So when your grandchild is not yet rolling over, sitting, standing, walking, keeping balance, you know what to say: he will be able to sit by himself at his wedding.
Next they will worry about fine motor skills. So when your grandchild is not yet using his hands –to be able to eat, hold objects, draw, dress herself, write or play, you know what to say: she will be able to feed herself at her wedding.
When a child begins to say words is so important to the parents, and to us too. After all, we want the child to name us! However, when your grandchild is not yet speaking words when all the parents’ friends’ children are already talking, you know what to say: he will be talking by the time he walks down the aisle to say, “I do.”
Yes, there are times when a grandchild needs professional intervention and assistance. In our day, when a child did not know how to hold a pencil, eventually they learned, and may have kept the bad habit of doing it incorrectly for a lifetime. Now, the preschool age child is taken to an occupational therapist to correct the problem. That is not a bad thing. It is just that with age comes experience and we, as grandparents, know that much of the worry is for naught. If we can lighten the worry by a silly saying, we are helping our children, the parents of our grandchildren, take a deep breath and not sweat the small stuff.
I know my nearly five year old grandson will not be wearing pull ups on his wedding night. I hope this made you chuckle.
Joy,
Mema
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