In 2013, men could not win. The same day, December 28, 2013, the Miami Herald had two articles about men, both about gender issues. The first, “Are Men ‘Stuck in Gender Roles?” by Emily Alpert Reyes, says that “census data and surveys suggest the gender revolution has been lopsided,
expanding roles for women but not men.”
Of course, men are blamed for this. Ms. Reyes quotes three experts:
The gender imbalance remains stark when students choose college majors: Between 1971 and 2011, a growing share of degrees in biology, business and other historically male majors went to women, an analysis by University of Maryland, College park, sociologist Philip N. Cohen shows. Yet fields like education and the arts remained heavily female. U.S. data show that last year less than 2 percent of preschool and kindergarten teachers were men.
In the past 40 years, “women have said, ‘Wait a minute, we are competent and assertive and ambitious,’” claiming a wider range of roles, said Michael Kimmel, executive director of the Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities at Stony Brook University. But ‘men have not said, ‘We’re kind, gentle, compassionate and nurturing.’’
Cohen found that in the first decade of the millennium jobs stayed similarly segregated by gender – the first time since 1960 that gender integration in the workplace had slowed to a virtual halt.
. . . “If girls call themselves tomboys, it’s with a sense of pride,” said University of Illinois at Chicago sociology professor Barbara Risman. “But boys make fun of other boys if they step just a little outside the rigid masculine stereotype.”
. . . .“If men don’t feel free to go into women’s jobs,” said Risman, “women are not really free.”
So, when women now have broken the glass ceiling, men are stuck with an enduring stigma for boys. As the author says, “several studies have found that bending gender stereotypes in childhood is tied to worse anxiety for men than women in adulthood. . . . Working mothers have become ordinary, but stay-at-home fathers exist in only 1 percent of married couples with children under 15, according to U.S. Census Bureau data.”
So it seems that in 2013, girls are now encouraged to take male roles and males are discouraged from feminine roles. According to a survey by Global Toy Experts, girls can receive trucks as a present, but boys are rarely given dolls as a present.
Yet, in the second article, “Today’s Dads are Hands-On, Survey Says,” by Lindsey Tanner, a National Center for Health Statistics, part of the CDC, study shows that “most American fathers say they are heavily involved in hands-on parenting.” However the study says, “One caveat: They self-reported their involvement, without input from their partners.” Does this mean when “9 in 10” daddies said they “bathed, diapered, helped them use the toilet or get dressed at least several times weekly,” we should be suspicious of this?
No, what we have learned from other studies, previously quoted in these posts, is that the mothers want control as the mothers are not satisfied with the quality of the involvement of the fathers.
Does anyone except this Grandma see a common theme? We are failing our sons and grandsons and great grandsons by not recognizing the changing society and preparing them for the changing society. We need to not compare stay-at-home moms and dads, as both are in the minority of our society. We need to recognize that in most families, both parents work and it is better for the family that both parents participate in childrearing, as the second article says:
More academic success, fewer behavior problems and healthier eating habits are just some of the ways fathers’ involvement has been linked with children’s well-being.
We have not recognized that boys need training in child care in society in 2013. We have not made it acceptable for boys to play with dolls, even in 2013. We need to buy our grandsons a doll. If the boys do not feel comfortable playing with dolls as young boys, how would they even consider jobs that are considered best left to women or make them qualified as an equal parenting partner?
So, grandmas unite! If you have a grandson, buy a boy doll and doll stroller and accessories for your grandson in 2014. I bought one for my oldest grandson nine years ago and got complaints. Amazingly, the complaints will probably occur in our current society, too. Unless we speak up and act, we may find the same studies ten years from now – that there are expanding roles for women but not men — and with our grandsons and great grandsons as anxious and frustrated as adults as men seem to be today.
When you buy the doll for your grandson, explain loud and clear how 90% of daddies are hands-on, his daddy is a great hands-on daddy, and daddy can teach his son to be as wonderful a daddy as he is, with
Joy,
Mema
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