I just got off the telephone with Jet Blue, again paying a change fee to change our February flights to see our youngest grandchildren. My younger daughter called and asked that we come the last flight night before a previously planned flight, as our grandson is off from school the day we were to arrive on the first morning flight. If we could, she would not have to take him to work with her in the morning. Of course, we made it happen. This is a win win. We always try to fly Jet Blue. I have found they really try to help you when you tell them that if a change can be done with as least pain as possible our grandson would not have to go to work with his mother until we arrived and we would be able to spend an entire day alone with him.
This led me to thinking about when we do visit our grandchildren and how do we use the visits to create lasting memories. There is a definite pattern.
Number One. When the parents of your grandchildren or your grandchildren will need help, plan a visit. Two sayings My Mother repeated come to mind, “Life is hard and then you die,” and “Little Children, Little Problems, Big Children, Big Problems.” We remember good times, unexpected times, and bad times, it seems more than others in our lives. But we are most appreciated and most remembered when we help when and how we can and make life easier for our grandchildren and their families.
Vacation time is more limited for our children’s generation at the beginning of their careers, and they do want time with their own families without grandparents attending when the little ones become big enough to be more fun than work. Age five is a big age for the grandparents to be no longer needed on their intact family unit vacations. But they do need us in their lives. Our children’s generation is even busier than ours. They need coverage when their work schedule does not coincide with our grandchildren’s care taking or school schedule.
As a long distance grandma, when my daughters get the annual school schedules, I ask for my own copy. I try to plan visits around times when the school is closed and there is no alternative day care so I can provide coverage and have full days to spoil grandchildren without their parents around. I try to do this six months in advance as a long distance grandparent to get the best fares, and as you can see, have to be prepared for change fees.
Six months seems to be the right time out and to fly on a Tuesday or Wednesday or odd time helps keeps fares down. So does doing anything to accumulate free miles: the Starwoods credit card is still the best for us for that. For every 20,000 points you redeem, Starwoods gives you a 5, 000 bonus. Other than that credit card we sign up on the airline loyalty program and watch for email specials. We move our schedule around a bit to take advantage of what we can.
So that is why Floridian grandparents are going up north in the middle of the winter. With the cold comes the joy. Visiting grandchildren. Joy whatever the weather. To be honest, a few days of winter at a time is all I can take!
My local grandma friends provide help in different ways. One wants the joy of being the daycare for each grandchild until they are age three. That is tiring but she loves every moment. At one point she had three grandchildren with her daily every work day. More than not, my local grandma friends visit with grandchildren one day a week, or one overnight a weekend or every other weekend, or once a month overnight, or a dinner a week or a month. Everyone chooses what works for them, their children and grandchildren, which does change as the grandchildren get older.
Most of my grandma friends are on “emergency” duty and the first person the parent calls. Of course, we learned to always say yes. What a surprise! You reap what you sow. Our grandchildren know our hug can help the bad feel not so bad or go away and we are there when it is bad to provide the hug.
So, to be available for grandchildren when there are either little problems or big problems makes lasting memories. That is the time we must use our accumulated frequent flier miles or drop our lives to make our children’s or grandchildren’s lives easier. Our time. Our being generous with time and not adding any more stress than the children or grandchildren already have.
Think about when multiple generations lived in one limited area, even together in one home. Grandparents were always present to help when and where they were needed and the wisdom of experience sometimes made things run smoother. We can still do that. It is just more work on our parts. Knowing when to talk and when to just do is harder when we no longer live together. We know how tough times can get, and giving them that knowledge that this too shall pass and we are here for everyone makes a big difference.
Most of the time, just knowing we understand and will help our children if they need us does make a difference in bringing joy to the lives of our grandchildren.
Number One. I know I repeated Number One. All ways we create lasting memories with our visits are equally important. While I was on hold with Jet Blue, I was working on the eldest grandchild’s annual photograph album. Putting together the annual photograph album helped me see how his year, Winter 2011- Winter 2012, looked in pictures.
Being present for important times in our grandchildren’s lives — memorializing their birthday parties in pictures — is something they return to review and hopefully will review with their children. Second is memorializing their activities and school and home life.
Pictures of karate and dance costumes, moves, and recitals are included. I always ask for jpg. pictures emailed to me from my children so even if we are not able to be there, their annual photo album includes all the important events in our grandchildren’s lives. Of course, all family holidays and extended family events appear. Pictures of all grandparents and family members appear. Pictures of their birthday presents, holiday presents, and grandparent given presents all memorialized. Amazing, this always adds up over the year in pictures! It does seem that grandma is around all the time. At least the visits will result in lasting memories! I wonder what my great-great-grandchildren will think about the clothes, hairstyles, toys of 2012! Brings a smile to my face.
Number One. I know I repeated Number One again. Finally, through our visits, we can strength the foundation of our grandchildren’s lives. Our visits can strength the marriages of our children by providing respite and a chance for the parents to rekindle intimacy alone away from the children. More time for us to be able to spoil our grandchildren without their parents around! I always professionally recommend that every couple who wants a strengthened committed relationship should spend 24 hours alone four times a year, without any electronics, away from their home, without children or work, without any connection to anyone but the partner. As grandparents, we can provide the coverage to make that happen. Often, I am asked to watch the grandchildren so the parents can spend time alone. Other times, I try to note how long it has been since the parents had some time alone overnight away from their home and I try to help make that happen by watching the grandchildren. If I can, contributing frequent flyer or hotel points for a one night lodging stay, even a mile away from their home or our home!
Grandma visits make lasting memories. We want our grandchildren to grow up in a happy and healthy home. We want them to enjoy life. We want to share the best time in our lives with our grandchildren. Just thinking about good times we make happen and share brings such
Joy,
Mema
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