Names for Grandchild: Another time you never say no.
In the newspaper today, a British survey was mentioned that found that more than 8 percent of parents regret the name they gave their child. According to the survey, girl names to avoid include: Apple, Chardonnay, Peaches and Madonna. For boys: Axl, Kai, Jordan and Joaquin.
That being said, as a Grandma-to-be, if the future parents pick one of these names, or any name for that matter, and make the mistake of telling you, even after you hound them every hour of every day for a month, do not comment negatively on the selected name, even if asked. Say, interesting name. Say, unusual name. Ask how they came up with the name. Ask the significance of the name. DO NOT COMMENT NEGATIVELY. Say something like you will love the name of the child because you will love the child.
I almost felt sometimes that my children gave me a proposed name just to see my reaction, never intending to use that name at all. If I happened to say I loved the name (before I knew better), that name seemed to be out of the running. If I happened to say it would not be a name I would select (before I knew better), that name seemed to became the name of my grandchild. Really, most of the time I loved the names. I may have selected differently, but remember, it is not our child although, then again, we would love to control name selection too with no responsibility.
And when the name that would not be a name I would select became the name of my grandchild, it became a perfect name, of course. Because my grandchild was perfect. Speaking of perfect grandchildren, Joan Didion, the author, wrote the most hysterical editorial. Something about how she keeps a $100 bill in her wallet to give the first grandparent to say their grandchild was normal. Never will happen, even according to Joan Didion. She said her friend most recently told her that her grandchild had so much charisma, he glowed. I can relate.
Names for Grandma: Another time you never say no.
I think my advice is if you have a name you absolutely want to be called, wait later than eighteen months old to try to teach your grandchild the name to call you.
Sometimes, the name selected for grandma is chosen by family tradition, culture or background. I remember that one of my first friends to become a grandma selected “grammy” to be her name as a grandma. I remember that a second friend chose that too. I LOVED it. So classy. Not dowdy. Young sounding. Great name. I wanted to be grammy, but there were already two grammys-to-be. My first friend became “grammy” and still is. My second friend became “hammy” and still is.
I chose Grandma. How unusual. It was significant because my mother had been called grandma, and in her memory, I thought I should continue that tradition. But just like my second friend, when I tried to teach my first grandchild how to say grandma when he was about eighteen months, it came out again and again as “mema.” Looking at that charismatic face (yes, Joan Didion), I melted. He had such joy on his face when he said “mema.” It seemed as though he thought he was saying grandma and was so proud. I became mema. I am still “mema” to all my grandchildren and I love “mema.” It was a name given to me by someone who is part of my soul and special to me.
So, when you try to teach your grandchild the name you choose for grandma, remember “grammy” can become “hammy” and “hammy” will be a treasured name forever.
Subsequent grandchildren, however, became jealous. No matter what anyone tells you, the bond with the first grandchild is LONGER, as you love them LONGER (great to explain to subsequent grandchildren), and there are special events to share, like naming grandma, that the first grandchild wins by default. My next two grandchildren sometimes call me “mimi,” mostly when the oldest is around. When they call me “mimi” I never correct them but give them the biggest grin and hug and tell them how much I love them. I know what they are really telling me is how much they love me and how special I am to them that they too want to name me. How lucky I am.
Since I have been named “mema” and “mimi,” I find myself in places like Disney World hearing those names called out repeatedly. I have come to realize that those of us who desire to have a grandma identity early are named what the grandchild can say. There are many memas and mimis in this world! Who knew.
May you have a name given to you that you love from the grandchild you love.
Joy,
Mema
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