When I raised two daughters, I was concerned about them finding careers in which they would be able to support themselves and not have to rely upon a man for support. It was the 1970s and 1980s and the divorce rates spiked. Women and children were struggling as near 80% of mothers then were having difficulty collecting child support. Women had the burden of child rearing and support on the limited careers widely available to them at the time. I did not want potential hardship for my daughters. I succeeded. Both daughters are professionals who do not rely upon their husbands for support. Of course, the dialogue about equal pay for equal jobs and the glass ceiling for women issues continue. President Obama, in his second inaugural address, on January 21, 2013, said, “Our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers, and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts.”
However, there is a new dialogue we grandmas also must have. I am now a grandma with three grandsons. I am concerned about them finding careers in which they will be able to support themselves and not have to rely upon a woman for support when they grow up. The statistics are in that in 2012, in 38% of households, women are the primary breadwinners. By the time my grandsons are adults, the statistics are that this will increase so that 75% of households will have women as the primary breadwinners. Women make up a large number of students in professional schools and it is anticipated that women will become the majority of students in professional schools. Our grandsons have to be prepared to support themselves in our evolving society.
We have done such a good job in empowering our daughters. Now we have to do a good job in finding ways to help our children empower our grandsons.
With girls doing better in a school environment, my daughters have taken extra care to make sure my grandsons can keep up.
Holding boys back so they are older when they start kindergarten is a trend and one of my grandsons, upon preschool teachers’ advice, repeated one grade of preschool. He does not know the difference. Another grandson, who is one of the youngest in his class, is upset about not being held back on teachers’ advice, this is so common in his class. He does not like that he will be one of the last to get his own cell phone or to drive. And he is already unhappy about this at age nine. So, it seems, older is better for boys to enter school.
Girls seem to sit still, have greater attention span, and learn to read early. Grandparents can help by bringing books and reading to all grandchildren. Www.toyportfolio.com has a lists of recommended books for each age group. As grandmas, we know our grandchildren want us to read the same book over and over and over again. Yes, we have the patience to comply with these requests when their parents don’t. Who cares what we read when we have our adorable grandchild in our lap! My second grandson is so proud that he can read when what he is doing is reading back to me the book he has memorized. I have started pointing to words as he “reads” to me. I have put “post-its” on all the appliances in the kitchen of my daughters’ houses for my grandchildren as preschoolers for learning of sight words, and we have proceeded to “post-it” all objects in the house. Every chair has the word, “chair” on a post-it for example. Yes, I did this when my daughters were preschoolers—index cards and scotch tape of yesterday are not as good as the post-its we have today! Yes, I do have to replace the “post-its” when I visit. There are so many games we can play with our grandchildren with these post-its: moving them around and having our grandchild put them back on the correct object, taking one or some off and having a grandchild find where it goes, having a grandchild find an object missing a post-it and showing three alternative post-its for the child to find the name of the object. I could go on. You will find more games too. Post-its are great grandma gifts to grandchildren.
Beginning at preschool age, I found enrichment tutors for my daughters. An enrichment tutor is a tutor to add more than what the child learns at preschool or school, or to reinforce school learning, or to fill in gaps in what the child has learned or not learned. Now I encourage my daughters to find enrichment tutors for my grandchildren. When my younger daughter recently moved and was busy with a new job in a new city I went searching for an enrichment tutor for my grandchild in reading and math. In the case of one grandson who is bilingual, as his caretakers have been Spanish speaking, we found a Spanish speaking reading and math tutor on care.com. The enrichment tutor is using conversational Spanish in her tutoring and is even going to increase my grandson’s knowledge of written Spanish. What a great addition to “Dora the Explorer” in Spanish, which is what he has been watching since he was a toddler! Preschoolers can only handle tutoring thirty minutes twice a week, building to an hour a week. When my children needed and I was able, I helped with paying for this luxury for all my grandchildren. Older neighborhood children love to “teach” younger children at a lower cost. Again, children’s television can be watched in Spanish to begin to learn this language. This advantage of enrichment tutors has helped the grandchildren with self confidence to excel in a school environment throughout their preschool and school years so far. Yes, this grandmother, as a mother of girls who I believed needed empowerment, started enrichment SAT tutoring when my daughters were freshmen in high school! One got an almost perfect score in the math section of the SAT.
When my first grandson was born, I read that learning a second language and playing guitar or piano uses more parts of the brain. Of course, this became important for my grandchildren. Both my daughters had piano lessons, and my granddaughter loves learning piano, but I did not know then what I know now as a grandma. My oldest grandson wanted to play drums, but I kept buying him toy guitars. I think his mother telling him that you can carry a guitar with you when he is older and girls, when he would be interested in girls when he is older, are drawn to a guy who can play a guitar finally turned the tide from drums to guitar. His other grandma bought him a real guitar for his sixth birthday. Six, I understand, is the best age to start music lessons. He has been learning guitar since he is six. This weekend I went to his guitar rectal, after taking lessons for three years. I am so proud, but happier still that he is improving his brain development. He loves his guitar and selected the song “Home” to learn next on his guitar. Yes, he did have to let me listen to the song on his ipod. I had no clue how the song went. At least it isn’t rap, although I am developing an ear for rap too! Try listening to your grandchild’s music. You too might get hooked on rap.
Our society is changing so much for our grandchildren. It seems society still emphasizes group sports for boys. Yes, my grandsons play all the popular group sports and so does my granddaughter play all the popular group sports. I do not think we want group sports to take priority over academics with our grandsons, as it sometimes does. Not only is my granddaughter the best reader at her stage of development of all my grandchildren, I think my granddaughter is the best player on her sports teams of all of my grandchildren. Hmmmm.
As grandmas, we should start a dialog with the parents of our grandchildren about the trend of women taking over the professional workplace and becoming the primary wage earner in the household in this decade and the next. We should encourage empowerment of our grandsons, as well as our granddaughters. Or, at least, we grandmas should talk to our grandsons about marrying well.
Joy,
Mema