When my younger daughter was pregnant, she insisted she did not want a baby nurse. Although my older daughter had a baby nurse for both of our older grandchildren, she said she and her husband were fully capable of taking care of our soon to be born grandson and did not want the intrusion of a baby nurse on the most intimate time they would have together. She gave me reason after reason why a baby nurse was not for them.
I proceeded to give them every reason why my soon to be born grandchild deserved a baby nurse and I said we, as grandparents, wanted our grandchild to have the advantages of his parents having the luxury (and yes, it is a luxury but a necessary luxury if affordable in the family) of a baby nurse and we would pay for it. That, and persistence, seemed to do the trick. After all, I had already reserved Merle the moment after my daughter had told me she was pregnant.
A few days ago, I overheard this same daughter (who now has had our baby nurse for both of her children) say to a newly pregnant relative: “You must have a baby nurse. You really do not know how incredible it is for the new family, you as the mother, for the father, and especially for the newborn! You have to call the baby nurse the MINUTE you find out you are pregnant to make sure you secure your baby nurse.” The best was that my son-in-law, who had been most skeptical about a baby nurse at first, shook his head in agreement at everything my daughter said!
See, grandma knows best.
Yes, you may argue that as the grandmother you raised children and you are capable of helping. However, it is really your job to take care of the mother, not the newborn, as I will explain further.
So, let me explain the virtues of having a baby nurse for a week, ten days, two weeks, or just a night baby nurse to save money.
Our baby nurse explained that she does not need much sleep. A baby nurse may seem expensive, but considering that the baby nurse is on 24/7, it is not expensive by the hour. The baby nurse never seems to sleep. We think ten days to fourteen days is perfect for the baby nurse to train the family.
A newborn is different than a two to three week old baby. A newborn is fragile and a clean slate.
New parents are different than you expect. It is scary to handle a fragile newborn and the new parents have no clue even if they think they have a clue. Sleep deprivation combined with fragility of newborn, mother and father can cause chaos that goes on for longer than the newborn is a baby.
We did things differently and new parents want to do things their way. Grandma being the baby nurse can cause serious problems and conflict. We do not want any friction between the generations, especially during this emotional time for everyone. This is a life passage event we want to go well for everyone. We really need an EXPERT NEWBORN BABY AND FAMILY HANDLER. . . .that is the baby nurse. New parents listen to the baby nurse and learn the newest and best skills.
A newborn can be trained–BY A BABY NURSE. After two weeks, the baby nurse will have the baby on a schedule, have the newborn have at least one five hour sleep stretch, teach the parents how to care for the baby efficiently and effectively, tricks we never knew, help the mother breastfeed effectively and prevent hardening of the breasts and other problems that may arise with breastfeeding, relax the parents, the family and the baby and help them to meld into a happy family. The baby nurse shows the parents how to monitor baby’s development, intake and voiding, and chart everything. She shows them how to clean, bathe and notice changes in the baby. She shows them how to keep well meaning people away from the newborn and she is strong and effective to doing so. The new mother needs her rest to heal, and the baby nurse makes sure the mother is at her best before the baby nurse leaves. The baby nurse lets the mother sleep at night and brings the baby to her to nurse. (We know it is a full hour of time to feed, change, burp, etc. and the baby nurse does it all so the mother does her part in a short time and goes back to sleep). Burping the newborn becomes fun when shown tricks by the baby nurse! The new father needs to feel important and part of the experience and the baby nurse makes sure the father is at his best before the baby nurse leaves. At the end of two weeks, you have a good baby. At the end of two weeks, you have organized, good, relaxed, happy parents and a happy relaxed baby. This brings joy to the grandparents.
See, the best gift is a baby nurse. Ask around. The best baby nurses travel all over the U.S. You pay the airfare or train or bus. Our baby nurse is based in the D.C. area and has come to Connecticut and we know she has gone as far as California! She told us in Manhattan in a tiny apartment she slept on an aero bed on the floor in the living room. She is not picky–she loves her job. We still keep in touch. Our baby nurse is beloved.
Now, the job of the grandmother. Be there. Be there to cook, clean, run errands, and do laundry and stay out of the way otherwise (that is not a problem as you will be exhausted). Be there to make lots of large pots of nourishing soup. Be there to make or bring in the mother’s favorite foods. The new breastfeeding mother needs lots of liquids and lots of calories. It is your job to monitor the mother’s intake and recovery and get the mother anything she wants or needs. I took pictures to begin the baby’s first photo album. I pampered MY baby, the mother. I watched HGTV holding the calm, sleeping newborn to give the baby nurse a chance to shower, change and eat, and nap (napping more infrequently than I could imagine). I stayed the first week. I left after the first week so the second week the baby nurse could train the parents alone. Of course, I left enough food for the second week, made sure everything in the household could survive my absence, and even froze meals for everyone. I filled the pantry, refrigerator and freezer.
Here is a trick that works every time. I did not come back immediately after the baby nurse left. After all, I wanted to be appreciated and missed. I secretly planned to come back about two days after the baby nurse left. I could not wait to get back to hold the calm, sleeping newborn thanks to our baby nurse. (I am now hooked on HGTV.) After two days, I would get calls. PLEASE come back. Of course, I was there immediately and stayed for a week, two or three longer. If the father has paternity leave, it is best for him to take the second week off so he can learn with the baby nurse, the third week, and time after you, the grandmother, leave.
Of course, I stayed to help train the nanny. Hiring and training the nanny is another story.
Remember. Never say no.
Joy,
Mema