This Grandma still wonders how AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) still thinks we want to be members at age 50. When around age 50, this Boomer Grandma gave gift memberships to those turning 50 as a gag gift. Now closer to age 70, membership in AARP is no longer a gag. Some of The AARP Magazine is fun to read, especially when it seems every cover shows another star turning 50! It makes me feel younger!
The August/September 2015 edition of AARP Magazine had Viola Davis, turning “BIG 5-OH” talking about her life. It had an article about “Best Sex Ever! We Show You How.” The bothersome article, the HORRIBLE article, was “10 Mysteries of Your Body Explained: The Best Advice You’ll Ever Read about Yucky Age-Related Conditions,” by Julie Stewart. She even rates them according to “yuck factor.”
The press release regarding the article states, “Solving Unpleasant Age-Related Conditions: As we age, our bodies begin to react differently than they once did when we were younger. From increasing bathroom usage to avoid the “laughter leak” to dealing with the sudden appearance of dark spots on our skin, this issue of AARP The Magazine provides advice on how to combat ten age-related concerns of the human body.” Ms. Stewart, under each category, tells us “The Fix,” what we can do now, and when to act immediately.
Considered the worse, at a yuck factor of 5, is loss of control of bowels, fecal incontinence or accidental bowel leakage (ABL), which affects more than 16% of those over 70, 30% of whom don’t tell their doctors. This Grandma understands. I do not want to tell even myself that this ABL exists. One of my favorite children’s books is Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series) Paperback from October 1, 2001 by Taro Gomi. I love the giggles from the grandchildren.
I just do not want to start pooping in my pants when my grandchildren are just finished being trained not to poop in theirs!
The article helped me learn that even healthy people pass gas up to 20 times a day. Yuck factor of 4 applies here. One of my other favorite children’s books is The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts from 1991 by Shinta Cho. Again, I love the giggles from the grandchildren.
Not so funny is reading that we can now expect to pass gas more often than that and with more odor, without control of this bodily function. My grandchildren will not think this is funny. I guess I have to cut out carbonated beverages, sugar free candies and gums, which ostensibly cause more of the problem, when I am with them.
Now, this Boomer Grandma would give a yuck factor of 4 to Dark Age spots, when Ms. Stewart gives this a 3. I disagree that only about 14% of “middle-aged” people have them. I keep forgetting that 65 is considered middle aged, and those that I know are 65 suffer from this condition in numbers more than 14%! Yes, as said in the article, our dermatologist is our best friend; however, they want to limit removal to our face and hands. The rest of our bodies must be covered up.
Again, Ms. Stewart gives the enlargement of the cartilage in our nose and ears a yuck factor of 2 when this Grandma thinks they deserve a 4 also. Not only do our noses and ears grow, it seems our nose is thickening and becoming red. We have to become proficient at hair styles and makeup cover-up! Ms. Steward leaves out excessive nose hair. She must be younger than 50.
Heavy sweating does get a yuck factor of 4. Ms. Stewart says it may be menopause (check out Mayo Clinic and Effexor study on google, which she does not mention). Toenails cracking, discolored and thickness and bad breath get a yuck factor of 3. Fragrant feet not smelling so fragrant get a yuck factor of 3.
Hearing loss gets a yuck factor of 0. This was the most shocking yuck factor of all. First, Ms. Stewart reports:
“Almost 30 percent of people between the ages of 50 and 59 suffer from some degree of hearing loss in one or both ears, 45 percent of those between 60 and 69 have impaired hearing; and three-quarters of those over 70 do.”
Not hearing our beautiful grandchildren is worse than gas! What is worse is that the warning is not sufficient to the numbers of us and the degree we can suffer as she says, “Get a hearing aid. Once hair cells [hair cells in the inner ear that send auditory signals to your brain] are damaged, they’re kaput. And the longer you wait, the harder it will be it will be to treat your hearing loss.”
So, the “10 Mysteries of the Human Body” not only have high yuck factors, they mean we must keep on top of our body more than we realize.
This Grandma says we should prioritize which we find yucky and make our doctors’ appointments sooner, rather than later. It seems that an ear, nose and throat specialist (ENT) is one of the most important. Next time you have a check up with your primary care physician, discuss these issues with him, and, depending on your personal yuck rating, go to a specialist. Hearing loss in the numbers Ms. Stewart relays is shocking.
I do prefer the articles of those celebrities becoming age 50. Just like all commercials trying to grab our interest, those celebrity articles become the vehicle for us to open the AARP Magazine when we are in denial of what faces us. Yuck!
This Grandma would rather believe that we are forever young with
Joy,
Mema
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