Just today, a GG (great grandmother) I know decided to move to Montana where the parents of her grandchildren and older grandchildren live, after living in Florida for decades. She is in her eighties and is concerned about waiting any longer to be closer to family. It is a difficult decision. October 4, 2015, the New York Times had an article, “Accidental New Yorkers: Grandparents Relocate,” that older adults are retiring to New York. For some, the original impetus is an urgent request to help raise a grandchild, but the pull of city life keeps them here.”
I loved the article, which you can read in its entirety at this site.
I could see why grandparents consider moving to New York City, maybe because I love New York, but Montana?
The article gave us the reality that, “[g]randparents are flocking to cities precisely because their adult children need them,” said Van C. Tran, an assistant professor of sociology at Columbia University. “The younger generation are working more hours than ever before, so they desperately need their parents to be around,” he said. “This is why the help that the grandparents provide is so crucial. I think we’re in a very interesting cultural norm-shifting moment because this was not expected or acceptable even a generation ago.”
“And while previous generations left cities to give their children fresh air and a better life, many millennials and Gen Xers don’t view the suburbs as aspirational places to raise children. But they do need babysitters.” The grandparents in New York are loving the city too:
“Just as this generation of parents celebrates the idea of raising children in a diverse environment, grandparents like Mrs. Swickerath see the value in it, too. “I don’t want to be around a bunch of people my own age,” she said. “I like people my age, but I like a variety of people. That’s more interesting. I like the whole multicultural thing about New York, about Brooklyn, in particular. There’s life here, you know?”
So, there are two issues here.
The parents of our grandchildren need us when their children are small and school aged, and we may need the parents of our grandchildren as we get longer (we never say older). The grandparents who decide early on to move to the location of the young grandchildren seem to be happy.
As our GG (great grandmother) says, there are two stages, “young old,” and “old old.” As GG says, do everything when you are “young old,” as when you are “old old,” everything is more difficult. Moving becomes more challenging after eighty four, the age GG says is the beginning of “old old.”
Our children have chosen to raise their families far from Florida, where they were born. This Grandma and Grandpa tell the parents of our grandchildren that they must allow us to continue to remain in Florida, even if and when we are unable to care for ourselves. We thrive on sunshine. They just smile. We are available to assist them up north when they need babysitters, but the urban areas in which they live seem to cater to families where both parents work. Their problem and need of us arises when the children are ill or the after care or day care is closed. Florida is our home and we just want to visit the parents of our grandchildren and our grandchildren.
Then, December 24, 2015, the New York Times had a fascinating article about how “The Typical American Lives Only 18 Miles From Mom.” What did this Grandma and Grandpa do wrong that ours live about 1,500 miles away?
The authors, Quoctrung Bui and Claire Cain Miller, tell us “a key fact about the geography of family in the United States: The typical adult lives only 18 miles from his or her mother, according to an Upshot analysis of data from a comprehensive survey of older Americans. Over the last few decades, Americans have become less mobile, and most adults – especially those with less education or lower incomes – do not venture far from their hometowns. The data reveal a country of close-knit families, with members of multiple generations leaning on one another for financial and practical support. The trend will continue, social scientists say, as baby boomers need more care in old age, and the growing number of two-income families seek help with child care.”
Aha! The two issues this Grandma identified are addressed in a new study. It is important to look at the map of the United States in the article at NY Times.
The authors say a reason is that “[t]he United States offers less government help for caregiving than many other rich countries. Instead, extended families are providing it, whether they never moved apart, or moved back closer when the need arose.” And the distance, “[o]ver all, the median distance Americans live from their mother is 18 miles, and only 20 percent live more than a couple hours’ drive from their parents. (Researchers often study the distance from mothers because they are more likely to be caregivers and to live longer than men.),” changes depending on two important factors of education and income:
“To some extent, people’s proximity to their parents is a reflection of opportunity: The biggest determinants of how far people venture from home are education and income. Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther from their parents than those with a high school education, in part because they have more job opportunities in big cities, and especially if spouses are juggling the career aspirations of two professionals.”
America provides opportunity and with that opportunity comes the reality that we grandparents are more likely to be the ones who are asked, encouraged, persuaded, coaxed, urged, pressed, pushed, pressured and whatever other synonym might apply, requested or required to move. The article gives so many statistics on the why, the when, and the how, but what is clear to this Grandma is that this issue is one that is going to be in the forefront of the news. . . .and the minds of us Boomers who consider ourselves forever young.
The news media is saying only about 20% of us has long term care insurance, allowing us to be independent in our own homes. The authors write, “[g]rown children are the single greatest source of care for the elderly in the United States, according to AARP. But the supply of family caregivers is not keeping pace with demand, AARP found: There are now seven potential family caregivers for every person over 80, which is expected to fall to four by 2030.”
“Compared with people in two other countries with aging populations, Germany and Italy, Americans are much more likely to say that elder care is a family’s personal responsibility, not a governmental one. Yet Americans are also less likely to say they are providing their parents with help, another Pew Research Center survey found in May. Researchers say that to prepare for the influx of aging baby boomers, Americans will need to create new options for elder care, like more affordable, professional caregivers to help family members, or group living arrangements in which elderly people can help one another.”
It is one thing to choose to move to assist the parents of our grandchildren when we are “young old.” It is another to uproot ourselves when we are “old old.” So, we Boomers must face the reality that the current studies are providing us. Based on the studies, as we get longer (never older), the only choice for the vast majority of us is becoming that we end up moving closer to the parents of our grandchildren, leaving our long term homes, lives and relationships when it is most difficult for us to do so.
We Boomers are the Americans who will need to promote the new options for elder care, or we will find ourselves without options. We Boomers are one of the largest voting blocks in America. We can move our homes, as it seems it is us, not the parents of our grandchildren, likely to have to move, but we should also consider moving our legislators to promote the new affordable options for elder care in place.
Joy,
Mema
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