I saw a young professional mother at work. She just came back to work after maternity leave and professed an additional stress—maternal guilt over leaving her baby daughter and not sharing significant time with her now. This is what I told her:
Your child will always know you are mommy, beginning with your smell. Family members, according to research, have their own smell. She will always want you first, over strangers. She will look to you to see if the stranger is okay. The parental bond wins out. Don’t worry.
Your child will do fine with a competent caregiver in your absence. The needs of the baby are food, comfort, sleep and stimulation in your absence. The parental bond wins out. Don’t worry.
It does not matter which form of daycare you use so long as you find it is best for your baby. It does not matter what you choose—private nanny, shared nanny, caregiver who watches a few babies in her home, daycare center, preschool. Babies do fine. See previous.
Stay at home parents do not spend much more one on one time with a child than a working parent, according to studies. Stop feeling guilty.
There is more help in this parenting generation with both moms and dads participating in the care of the children and household. Both parents need to know how to care primarily for the children, especially in the job world that might require that one or both parents to travel.
First time parents worry about everything. Take a moment and help a new working family in 2014 lessen worry or guilt by telling them the above.
Now. This is a grandma blog. You guessed it. We Grandmas have a special responsibility
to make the lives of the parents of our grandchildren better so our grandchildren’s lives are better. There is a growing recognition that this generation of raising children is more challenging in some many ways and if we grandmas are able to provide respite and assistance, we are doing so. We know the years go by faster with the experience of the years going by faster.
Some of us will give verbal support. There are other grandmas who will do more. Remember, to maintain the strong bond and intimacy in the relationship of the parents of our grandchildren, at least one overnight four times a year respite from parenting is imperative. If grandma can make that happen, then grandma has done a good deed for the grandchild. Children do better with stability.
Some of my long (we never say old) see their grandchildren once a week and some take the grandchildren overnight once a week. A small minority of grandma friends watch their grandchildren all work week. Then those of us long distance grandmas get clustered time with intermissions. Each visit is important to the grandchild, but what we can do to cover workdays is helping our grandchildren by helping their parents. Before school starts, we look at the yearly calendar and try to coordinate visits when we can provide coverage or assistance or respite. No reason not to start with the 2014 calendar whether local or long distance!
Remember. Never say no. A wonderful relationship with the parents of our grandchildren fosters a wonderful relationship with our grandchildren.
If we grandmas can help reduce stress, worry and guilt in the parents of our grandchildren, we make our grandchildren’s lives better and experience grandma
Joy,
Mema
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