After helping the youngest two grandchildren get settled in their new home, this Grandma realized that her youngest grandchildren were both old enough to go to camp all day. That realization coincided with the realization of having no good reason not to help their parents physically move, and meant this Grandma actually helped in the move rather than took care of the grandchildren. I was fine when I went home, but the next morning I could not move. Every muscle hurt. A long (we never say old) friend reminded me of her concern. She has younger children than mine and we are the same years long. She is still waiting for the younger children to give her more grandchildren and worried how physically capable she will be to be as hands-on with these grandchildren-to-be as she is with her others. Yes, mentally I felt I had no physical limitations, being in good shape. But, although my brain said twenty-seven, my body yelled at me for doing as much as I did.
This Grandma then realized that she is absolutely right to worry. I was experiencing the different grand parenting at different ages of grandma and grandchild and was now definitely in the joyful later stages. My stamina to lift and carry a bundle up and down stairs in a move now is not the same as when I carried my first grandson up and down stairs.
We grandmas love every stage, but it is the recognition that we, and the grandchildren, are different in each stage that was this Grandma’s aha moment.
Newborn and baby. How can we express the privilege of knowing the first grandchild the longest! We are new and energetic. The baby needs us to be, as babies are demanding and their parents are needy. See so many of the previous posts on never saying no, and other ways we grandmas can help keep the marriage of the parents of our grandchildren strong, which is what our grandchildren need most at this most challenging parenting time. So, I would say to my friend, we may not be able to take care of a baby a few days at a time, but we surely can do twenty four hours at one time, to afford the new parents some alone time to reconnect. We may need assistance, but, for me, knowing that my baby grandchild days may be over, I would love to come and spend time with my grandma friend and her baby grandchild, and even give her some respite time!
Yes, we grandmas can find a way, when there is a will.
Toddler and preschooler. This Grandma finds this period of grand parenting the most challenging. We don’t want the grandchildren to get hurt on our watch, and I know that our youngest grandson can run faster than us and we cannot catch him. Fortunately, “freeze” still works! Grandpa and I did not hesitate to take any of the other grandchildren to Disney alone, but this youngest, when we are not the youngest grandparents, scares us. We picture him running somewhere that catches his eye and he cannot find us and we cannot find him in the crowd of people. His parents are “Disney’d out.” It is up to us to provide this beloved grandchild with what his sibling and older cousins got and we had the privilege and joy of watching the youngest grandchild see Disney with wide wonder. Yes, we grandmas can find a way, when there is a will.
A harness on a child in Disney is not so outrageous. Or one guide for the three of us; then there are three adults for one child, and the guide will be much younger!
Yes, it is our job to provide respite to the parents too. Twenty four hours will feel like a week.
School aged. This Grandma finds this period of grand parenting pure joy. The grandchildren are into hobbies and sports activities and read. They can potty themselves, feed themselves and occupy themselves. You are the best grandma in the world to allow them electronics as soon as they wake up, allow them electronics at meals, and play electronic games with them or watch them play electronics or their favorite sport, allow On Demand movies and watch with them what they want to watch. Grandpa and I are taking each of the middle grandchildren alone this summer. We joyfully anticipate the time alone with the school aged grandchildren. The will is there, and the way is easy.
Preteens and teenagers. These grandchildren want a buddy, someone to give them unconditional love and support, and an open pocketbook. We grandmas become the confident if we play it right. We keep our boundaries hidden and our ears open. The main job of parents of preteens and teenagers is to keep them safe. The grandchildren may not tell their parents about their friends and aspects of their life, but grandma becomes a safety zone, and is able to assist in the parents’ hard job of keeping them safe. This Grandma is on Instagram with the preteen, takes a picture of each screen to add to the annual photo album he received since birth. Now I know who all his friends are and what is going on (for the captions, of course). Yes, we do all that we did in school aged above, but it is wonderful to be able to have a discussion with a grandchild, build and share memories of good times together. We know enough to have each grandchild have a friend along. They love that the grandparents know they want to be with their friends, and grandparents get to watch the play, rather than have to climb water slide stairs! The respite here is to separate parent and difficult teenager for twenty four hours. The will is there, and we find a way that is easy.
Young adults. This Grandma has already begun asking grandmas with grandchildren who are young adults for “grandma lessons.” One such discussion is the subject of a previous post. I will reread it when I get there.
Time is flying by as a grandparent. I hear from grandmas in the next grand parenting stage that the best is yet to come as a grandma! So, again, to my dear friend, I know your worries. My muscles still hurt a week later. But, when the will is there, there is a way to enjoy each grand parenting age and every grandchild age. We may not be able to do the same with and for the youngest grandchild, but it is amazing how much room there is in grandma’s heart for love, nurturing, cuddling, hugs and kissing for the first to the last grandchild.
Joy,
Mema
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