“Having it All: Tired of What. . . .” is the title of an article by Rachel Bersche, in the New York Times Magazine, Sunday, July 14, 2013. She cited a recent study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
16 percent of women ages 18-44 say they are worn out most days, or every day, compared with only 9 percent of men in the same age range.
Ms. Bersche asks, “[i]s it because women are working outside the house and handling child-care duties?” She continues:
The study doesn’t specify, but Francine M. Deutsch, professor of psychology at Mount Holyoke College and author of “Having It All,” has a thought. “I’d bet it’s not the women who share the work in the home and the breadwinning with their partners,” she says. “Equality is an antidote to exhaustion.”
40% of women are the breadwinners in families in 2013. Is she saying equality is required across the board in child care and household care and in earnings? This Grandma is watching the issue of gender equality and sees it evolving, not yet defined.
Now, this Grandma wanted to know more about Francine M. Deutsch and her book.
Francine M. Deutsch, who got her Ph. D. from Columbia University, seems credentialed. She seems to have studied the issue extensively as her bio on Mt. Holyoke website, where she is a professor, shows her:
Specialization
The social psychology of gender in everyday life; gender equity at home and in the labor market; the educational trajectories of preschool teachers.
Social psychologist Francine Deutsch’s research focuses on issues of gender justice. From gender equality and the division of domestic labor in the contemporary American family to the status of child care workers, Deutsch analyzes how gender shapes people’s lives. She is particularly interested in the resistance to gendered norms, and how, by undoing gender, couples can create equally-sharing families. Deutsch is currently collecting case studies from around the world of couples who have successfully achieved equality at home.
Deutsch’s book, Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works (Harvard University Press, 1999), received widespread publicity, including coverage on NPR’s Morning Edition and a mention on Oprah.
The author of more than 40 published articles, Deutsch has also studied male responses to female competence, friendship and the development of self-schemas, double standards and aging, information-seeking and maternal self-definition during the transition to motherhood, aspects of friendship among females, and and the dynamics of the only child family in contemporary China. Journals publishing her works include Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Journal of Family Issues, Journal of Comparative Family Studies, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Sex Roles, and the Psychology of Women Quarterly.
Prior to joining the Mount Holyoke faculty, Deutsch taught at Vassar and Bates Colleges, LaGuardia Community College, and St. Lawrence University. In addition, Deutsch has held four research positions, including one as senior research associate at New York University, where she studied women during pregnancy and after the birth of their first child.
She wrote an article for Forbes Magazine in 2009 which seems just as relevant in 2013. The title of her article was “Overworked, Overextended and Overstressed.” She says:
The numbers are in. Women are working more than ever: They make up almost 47% of the labor force, a figure that may now be even higher due to a disproportionate number of male layoffs this year. Most American moms are working, too-at least 71% as of 2006.
At the same time, women still do most of the work at home. A recent survey of 12,000 women in 21 nations by global management consulting firm the Boston Consulting Group (BCG), released in conjunction with the book Women Want More, shows that about 85% of women claim responsibility for the grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry and household cleaning.
The double burden of job and home demands leaves them stressed and pressed for time, with 45% responding they don’t have enough time for themselves.
Dr. Deutsch addresses “why the household inequality persists while women continue to advance in business and higher education.” She says, “[t]he experts say it boils down to three things: earning power, ingrained social patterns and structural policies.”
“Women are working full time at work and full time at home,” says Michael Silverstein, a BCG partner and co-author of Women Want More. “The burden is fully on their backs, and they have to strain out any time for themselves.”
Silverstein talked to women of all backgrounds and pored over the data from the thousands of survey respondents in an attempt to drill in to the core of women’s lives. He wasn’t surprised to find one global truth-men don’t pitch in equally. That holds true even among Gen X and Gen Y males, he says, noting that adult children continue to copy patterns enacted by their parents.
Silverstein, however, envisions “enormous” change in the next 10 years. Because women today are excelling in school at levels beyond men, he believes an earnings shift in her favor will transform these outdated models.
“Women are beginning to say `participate or leave,'” he says, noting that 30% of women in the study responded that they had serious doubts whether they’d still be with the same partners five years from now. It’s evidence, says Silverstein, that more economically powerful Gen-Y women will opt for singledom or new relationships if their current partners aren’t pulling their weight.
As expectations change and women force different behavior patterns, shared responsibility at home will be the norm, says Deutsch. “Women have to demand equality, and men have to have a sense of fairness.”. . . .
Brown University professor of psychiatry and human behavior Scott Haltzman, MD, says women feel more pressure to take charge at home and prioritize housework. “They set the standard in the household about cleanliness,” he says, “and often find that men don’t meet their standards.” He’s found that this leads many women to criticize men’s efforts or take over completely. If women begin to do less themselves and expect more from their partners, they’d be much happier, he concludes.
This Grandma sees from long years that how the partners perceive their importance in decision making and that decision making is equal and mutual in all major decisions is the important issue, not just how the partners equally share household chores. Getting some outside household help for both partners to be happier, if you can, even if it is only at change of seasons or means saving for it or cutting back elsewhere, is a solution for some to consider. Grandmas, a gift of paying for household help is great for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays to help the working parents of your children!
The BCG survey concluded:
[S]ingle women were the only group that prioritized themselves first. Wives ranked their husbands’ needs first after marriage, and children as their top priority after childbirth.
If children are a woman’s top priority, does marriage equality to a woman mean that both parties should strive for maximization of providing for the needs of the children? It seems that each partnership should define equality for the partnership and what each needs from the other. I repeat Dr. Deutsch’s previous quote about her book:
The study doesn’t specify, but Francine M. Deutsch, professor of psychology at Mount Holyoke College and author of “Having It All,” has a thought. “I’d bet it’s not the women who share the work in the home and the breadwinning with their partners,” she says. “Equality is an antidote to exhaustion.”
This Grandma thinks it is good to watch the issue as it continues to evolve when, in ten years, it is expected that 75% of households will have the woman as the breadwinner, up from the 40% of today.
This quote from the article citing BCG survey results this Grandma does know to be true:
[H]appiness levels for women nosedive after marriage and begin to climb again only after children are self-sufficient.
Does Anyone With Children Have It All?
This Grandma believes it cannot happen until the children leave home. Having been an empty nester for nearly two decades, this Grandma has recovered from being “Overworked, Overextended and Overstressed.” So, for those 18-44 year olds out there, this too shall pass. Take a deep breath and take each day at a time. The years do fly by.
Joy,
Mema
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