This Grandma lives in Florida and loves it. Whether it is true or not, I have heard that the humidity keeps us younger, makes our skin looks better as we age, and even lubricates our internal organs. I do know that my joints do not ache in Florida, because when I am up north in the winter visiting grandchildren, I find I do have aching joints. I am sure I had the SAD (seasonal affective disorder) disease in my youth. I visited Florida and loved the sunshine. I came down to live in Florida in my youth and have never regretted the decision. Our Florida born children have chosen to make their homes in the north and Grandpa and I cannot fathom why. Now, when we visit our grandchildren up north in the winter and the skies are gray and the weather cold and dismal, we always tell our children that even when we are too old or infirm to know, they must never bring us back to live up north. We ask that we please end our days in the sunshine and warmth of Florida.
It was enough for me to convey this information to the parents of our grandchildren. However, after reading, “The Talk a Parent Needs to Have with Adult Kids,” by Michelle Singletary, in the Miami Herald, April 5, 2014, I know that just telling them this is not enough. Now, I find that this is just the first decision we must discuss with our adult children: what is your desire about where you want to live if you need to move out of your home.
Ms. Singletary says that a Pew Research Center study found that 47% of adults say it is likely that they will be responsible for caring for an aging parent or another elderly family member. We must make provisions for this not to happen, if we can. Ms. Singletary says that 70% of people 65 years or older will need long term care services at some point in their lifetimes, and this is expensive. We need to buy long term health care insurance or discuss care realistically and honestly.
This I know I cannot do: “[d]iscuss the alternatives thoroughly and dispassionately, rather than embracing one option and building a wall of defense against any other choices.” Florida is the only option for this Grandma, even if it means living far from those who might worry about such long distance care of me as I live long years. This Grandma refuses to face the facts of growing longer (we never say older). Ms. Singletary recommends some books to read. I am just not interested.
When Ms. Singletary gets to the end of life issues, this Grandma’s denial system really kicks in. Have you selected a health care surrogate and executed the proper documents? Do you have a will? What end of life instructions do you want followed when you are at death’s door?
Okay, I can breathe. I have addressed all of the above. However, with Face Time, I am rethinking how awful it might be to be bedridden. It just means I must have my faculties to know I am on Face Time with my loved ones. Then I get to this section of the article, where the author is quoting Tim Prosch, who wrote a book on the subject of the article:
I have learned, through my research, that the primary reason that the elderly begin to actively resist turning over responsibility and decision-making to their offspring is their escalating fear of becoming powerless; becoming a burden on the family, physically and financially. . . .
Enough said. This Grandma is going back to denial. Forever young IN FLORIDA with
Joy,
Mema
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