Sometimes it seems as if the parents of our grandchildren forget that we raised children. The new books with the new methods are what they love. They are constantly reading and experimenting with discipline techniques. That is their responsibility that this Grandma does everything to avoid, except when safety requires immediate action. I hate to say no. I just say “freeze,” and get a parent to be the bad guy if they need discipline.
Sometimes, it is the old tricks that work the best. Here are some of this Grandma’s favorite “D” tricks that we grandmas know from pure experience avoid the bad “D” word for us, discipline.
Distract. When a grandchild is somewhere he or she should not be or doing what he or she should not do, scoop them up and distract them with something else. Dance. Sing. Get silly. As the children get older, distracting still works. My favorite quick thinking story to share was when my oldest grandson was about eight. I needed to distract him and could not think of anything. I just said, “look (pointing to the window), there is an elephant walking down the street.” He ran over to the window. I succeeded! He said, “You are so silly. There is no elephant here.” I then proceeded to tell him of our times in India and Thailand when seeing an elephant walking down the street is common. This turned into an entire activity of looking on the internet at pictures and when he visited Florida I showed him our pictures of elephants we saw in the street. Neither of us could remember why I felt a need to distract him.
Dilute and delight. Grandchildren have tantrums, especially when they are overtired because we over stimulated them! Sometimes I try to distract them. Sometimes I try to dilute their intensity and delight in them. Their parents tense up like we did when we were parents. As a grandma, I find their tantrums entertaining. Yes, those precious little faces scrunched up and their bodies moving. I know the tantrum is going to end. I get close into their face and smile. I say, “You are so cute, look at your face, you are so beautiful, you are so adorable, I love you.” They are so startled, that most of the time they stop the tantrum. Unexpected behavior gives unexpected results sometimes.
Direct. Grandchildren misbehave. We try to have boundaries and procedures that are different at grandma’s house, but children will be children. So I do not have to discipline, I directly address the behavior. I say, ‘I love you even when you ….. (The misbehavior). I love you when you laugh. I love you when you … (keep going with a few more examples and end with. . .) I love you always, to infinity and beyond.” They have been so busy listening to the “I love you” (especially if you make some silly and funny, if you. . . “.stood on the ceiling”), they have stopped doing what it is you did not want them to do.
Describe. This Grandma has sometimes stopped a grandchild doing something dangerous and said, “let me tell you why you can get hurt doing this.” I proceed in telling the grandchild why I have stopped them. I have to admit, the grandchild has a short memory and forgets why I wanted to stop the behavior. Sometimes, this technique has to be repeated. The other techniques seem to be more effective, I must admit. Could it be that I tried to reason with a two year old?
Disappear. Sometimes, grandma is present when the grandchild is being disciplined by a parent. This Grandma tries to remove herself as quickly and quietly as possible from the room. I do not want to be present and associated with discipline! I also do not want the grandchild to run to me to be rescued. That does not make for a good grandparent and parent of grandchild relationship and puts the grandma in a no win situation.
Delicious. Grandchildren are delicious. And they love anything delicious. “How about a cookie?” can be the best distraction!
Joy,
Mema
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