This Grandma always says we never get older, we live longer. That is different with our grandchildren. They cannot seem to want to wait until they are old enough to do more. Our roles as grandmas change as we and they get longer, and our relationship with our precious grandchildren changes.
When new grandmas share their joy, I always say wait – it actually gets better—even though you cannot imagine how your heart could be fuller than it is and your joy greater than it is. It does get better. The grandchild gets to know you and names you. Your grandchild runs into your arms and says the magic words, “I love you so much.” I always answer, “I love you to infinity and beyond,” and “always remember that I will be with you in your heart forever.” We never want those precious grandchildren out of our arms and hold on tight.
Then, the day comes when we are observers more than participants who diaper and feed, care give, play and sing and dance with the small ones, and, of course, give respite to the parents of our grandchildren.
Never having had grandparents, I always love to learn from other grandmas, and recently asked a grandma whose grandchildren are a decade older than mine, what to expect next. She wrote me the most beautiful tribute to being a grandma of grandchildren who are teenagers, reaching for adulthood, and those who are adults. She said each year is a bit different, and that we should remember we get to do the fun stuff and enjoy them as they mature and reach adulthood.
Here is what we have to look forward to, some of which we grandmas have learned to take advantage of already!
Electronics: Our grandchildren have lived with electronics and social media their whole lives. Not only do they help us with our electronics, but they set up social media for us and connect us to their social media sites. They teach us to use our Ipads, Iphones, how to Face time, how to text and how to instagram and twitter. It is amazing what I learn each time I am with my grandchildren about settings and shortcuts I did not know existed. Yes, they have to repeatedly explain and teach us again—but that is so much fun. I love being able to call, Face time and text my own oldest grandchild directly now that he is old enough to have his own telephone. Every time my electronics are returned to me, there is a new picture of my grandchildren as my wallpaper. I do not have to learn to do this on my own!
Where they will not give access to their parents to their instagram, Facebook, and other accounts, the grandchildren love sharing with us, grandmas who give unconditional love and withhold judgment. This is such a win-win, and also a win-win for the parents of the grandchildren. Although their parents may be jealous, access provided to us by our grandchildren gives an extra layer of adult supervision as we can watch, pay attention, and give advice if we have any concerns that will be taken better from a grandparent than a parent.
Sounding board and support. My long friend said that her grandchildren come to her when they disagree with a decision their parents make and she is the sounding board and stays in the supportive role. She said she continues to go to all sporting events, school events, concerts, and matches. No matter what the score, decision, or grade, she is still the cheerleader with the big smile. Whenever a grandchild needs a helping hand, they reach out to her first, knowing they will be rescued by grandma whose only interest is their welfare and safety.
Vacationing and visiting grandchildren. Multigenerational family vacations are always wonderful, but there comes a time when the parents of the grandchild may not be coming along with grandma and grandchild. Grandparents and grandchildren can play together for longer periods of time without the parents as the grandchildren get older. Grandma can visit at college and is a more welcome sight than a parent! How wonderful. It is amazing to be included by grandchildren who think we Boomer grandmas are the coolest. . . or phat. . . or whatever the newest term for the best is at the moment. The best—that is what grandma is!
Learning the old and learning the new. The grandchildren teach us about life today and we teach them about life and family before they were born or when we and they were young. My long friend said that she spends time teaching her older grandchildren to cook, especially family recipes to pass along the family favorites to the next generation. She said the grandchildren are now interested in stories from her past, her youth and the world in which she grew up. A granddaughter needed dress up clothing from the 60s and grandma still had something in the closet for her to wear!
My grandma friend said that her grandchildren are teaching her about the rapidly changing word, keeping her focused and encouraged that all is well with the next generation. The grandchildren can now teach us to play the games of this generation. It is wonderful to be able to connect to them in their new world, with a text, an instagram, an email, Words with Friends, and even a picture that comes to us instantaneously with that forever cherished, “I love you, grandma.”
She agrees with me that it is harder today to raise children in our fast paced and complex world. She agrees with me that the responsibility when we grandmas are left in charge of preteens and teens is difficult. We do not want anything to happen to our grandchildren on our watch, no matter how old the grandchild is. My long friend mentioned how hard it is when the grandchild is old enough to drive or has friends who are old enough to drive. I remember the sleepless nights with our own children and she reminds me that she too has them again with this next generation.
But the joy continues in each phase of grand parenting and is greater as we watch the grandchildren see the world anew with each stage in their lives. This is the best reason to stay healthy and vibrant as a grandma. As she said, we grandmas will be there for all the exciting things that will happen for the first time in our grandchildren’s lives and we will be there with
Joy,
Mema
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