Ten years ago, Lisa Belkin, an author for the New York Times, wrote an article on the “opt-out revolution” about the women who left their jobs in that decade to be stay-at-home moms. In a recent article by Judith Warner, “Moms at work: Opt-out generation wants back in,” Ms. Warner follows up on that phenomenon and talks about how many of the women who opted out of the workforce want back in. What a surprise! What preteen or teen wants their mom around all the time!
On the Today Show, August 8, 2013, three moms who recently returned to the workforce talked about their return. It is what is to be expected returning to a very different marketplace. One woman, who was a high powered businesswoman, is returning to a lesser position at one fifth of her prior salary. Another has the luxury of starting her own business. A third is working for a not for profit at what seems to be minimum wage. None seem to be coming back equal in stature or salary to what they left. One seemed comfortable with the cost-benefit analysis she chose. It seemed the other two not so much.
First, a query: why do they seem surprised? Our workplaces are not yet family friendly even though there are many more women in the workplace than when these women left ten years ago. Our workplaces are not yet family friendly even though there are many more women in the workplace that are the family’s breadwinners (40% in 2012) than when these women left ten years ago. Few women have made it to the top and those women seem to profess in 2013 that you must stay in the game to make it to the top.
It is this Grandma’s view that no one can have it all and no one can expect to have it all. It is a luxury for either parent to stay at home and care full time for children for any lengthy period of time. It is a luxury that few can afford. So, it seems that those who opted-out ten years ago thought that they would be welcomed back with open arms with the “life experience” of being a full time home manager? Our society has not evolved to the point of quantifying that value.
This Grandma thinks we should teach our grandchildren who are interested in staying at home to raise children to pick a profession or career path that allows the option of flexible scheduling or working remotely from home. If a goal is to be a hands-on full time parent at some time in the future, one cannot spend tens upon tens of thousands of dollars on a degree and years building to a high level of employment and expect to be able to go “cold turkey.” Unless, of course, the woman is going to college for her “MRS.” If you are too young to know that term, in previous generations, it was deemed acceptable for a woman to go to college as she could then find a husband to support her in the style to which she wanted to be accustomed. This goal seems to be in disrepute due to the “women’s revolution.” However, that is a choice and may be a valid choice if the woman’s or man’s goal is to be a stay at home mom or dad. Watch, however, how the law is evolving on alimony and doing away with alimony altogether is an emerging trend, even if one parent staying home and giving up a career is a joint family choice.
So, after long years, this Grandma’s view on returning to the workplace is that the parent wanting to be a stay at home parent should leave the workplace realistically in the first place. When you are out, you are out. When you are in, you are in. If you go out, you are considered out from the beginning. You will be starting over in a very different marketplace than you left and who knows how that will look ten years from now.
Technology is moving at such a speed that any hiatus is a great hiatus—even if you are now proficient at all the apps on the I pad for every age group. Being a stay at home parent is a present day luxury that has great personal rewards but realistically has great long term personal and family financial detriment. Denial does not bring
Joy,
Mema
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