One of this Grandma’s mantras is that life interferes with adult relationships and maintenance of intimacy is imperative to a good relationship. Daily life interferes with intimacy. Significantly, with commitment to the relationship, maintenance of intimacy, and family support, the parents of our grandchildren may improve the strength of their relationship to withstand what life WILL throw at them. In my over forty years of professional experience, I have found that a minimum of 24 hours alone quarterly, away from home, without electronics, just the two adults anywhere, even in a tent in a nearby park that allows camping, strengthens the relationship and intimacy is maintained. This advice is given to every set of newlyweds I come across to those whose relationship is in a rocky period (when I recommend a minimum of 24 hours away every month for six months to rebuilt intimacy).
Why should sending the parents of our grandchildren away quarterly for a minimum of 24 hours be a priority for us grandparents?
Children do better in an intact household with two committed, healthy and loving adults in a strong relationship, who have the ability to meet the grandchildren’s needs. It is good for our grandchildren to have the role models of such, in this day and age where only 48% of adults are getting married and over 41% of children are born out of wedlock. See previous post.
Family support is us. Raising children is hard work, and makes life and relationships more stressful, challenging the commitment and intimacy of the relationship. See posts on some of the studies here and here.
I consider it one of my duties as a grandma to encourage and facilitate the strengthening of the relationship of the parents of the grandchildren. . . .for the welfare and best interests of my grandchildren. We grandmas can easily do this by taking the grandchildren off their parents’ hands for 24 hours quarterly. This is not a big commitment for us, but brings a multitude of rewards for our grandchildren. And we get spoiling time, our win-win and a win-win for our grandchildren to receive our unconditional love without their parents around.
This Grandma says the 24 hours can be planned or just last minute when the grandchildren are visiting or we are visiting the grandchildren. We should encourage it as soon as the newborn is safely able to be left alone with us. The 24 hours alone and away can easily be gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and holidays, and all of the above, even using our saved hotel points to “treat” the parents of our grandchildren. It can be a stay vacation at a place less than a mile or less than an hour away, or a weekend away at a longer distance. The parents’ win-win is the time alone and away from the daily grind. The parents of the grandchildren can have no excuse for just 24 hours away, although they may balk at leaving all electronics behind.
When the parents of our grandchildren return refreshed and relaxed, the next quarterly trip should be planned, so they have something to look forward to, extending the intimacy in the relationship to tide them over for the months in between.
When I opened my February 2016 Conde Nast Traveler Magazine, I was excited to see the article, “27 Rules for a Kid-Free, Guilt Free, Drink-in-Hand-By-Noon, Oh-Right-This-Is-Why-We’re-Together Trip For Two.” I love it! The article gives ideas of where to go and when, what to avoid and how to have the best time. It is worth reading and saving a copy of the entire article at this site.
The 27 rules add “meat” to the ‘bones” of this Grandma’s mantra. This Grandma loves rule number 1, not to call it a romantic getaway; rule number 3 to lock up your tech, “throw your phones, ipads, even your Fitbit (counting steps can wait) in the hotel safe and don’t take them out until you leave;” and rule number 8, “Never leave the room (and don’t feel bad about it).” It is really just time alone, to reconnect to why you both got together in the first place, but statistics (not in this article) do show that 88% will have sex! Rule number 23, “Don’t tell everyone you’re going away together—they’ll just ask how your “sex trip” was.” And “stay in town and remember why you live there (and don’t think you’re too cool for the touristy stuff.” Rule number 24.
And because family support is us, and we grandparents are also role models to our children and grandchildren of two committed and loving adults in a strong relationship, we grandparents should also pay heed to Conde Nast Traveler ‘s “27 Rules for a Kid-Free, Guilt Free, Drink-in-Hand-By-Noon, Oh-Right-This-Is-Why-We’re-Together Trip For Two.”
A win-win for us! And, of course, because we Boomer grandparents are forever young!
Joy,
Mema
Comments