This Grandma remembers being the first transition person, the first “overnight” for parents of our first grandchild to be away from their baby overnight. I realized that the transition worked two ways. First, the baby, being comfortable with grandma and going to sleep and waking up with grandma without a parent present, was a transition for the baby to sleep other than with parents around. Second, the parents could leave the baby overnight without great worry. This Grandma says without “great” worry, because the parents will always worry. That is one of the reasons grand parenting is so much better than raising children.
To be a transition person for a baby means spending enough time and energy to “learn” the baby, first and foremost. This Grandma believes that each grandchild’s temperament is noticeable from birth on, and observing the baby helps one learn the signals the baby gives. The grandson just dropped off at camp for the first time, makes a movement with this lips when he is tired, and has done so since birth. He does not have to tell me he is tired. I know.
Second, becoming a transition person is respecting the baby and the baby’s needs, as well as the needs of the gatekeepers, the parents of the grandchild. The newborn’s sense of smell is the greatest, so having the nursing mother wear a large t shirt while holding the baby, and then grandma wearing this t shirt embed with the mother’s comforting smell calms the baby in different arms. That is respecting the baby’s needs, but also makes caring for the baby easier. Remember to suggest this to be used by the Father too! It means using the same detergent and cleaners at grandma’s house so the environments smell similar. The parents think it is a miracle that the newborn baby is soothed so easily by grandma, who just knows the secret, and is just calmer as a grandparent.
Becoming a transition person and respecting the parents means having equipment (crib, sheets, stroller, high chair, etc.) and as many supplies ( diapers, wipes, containers, bottles, etc.) as possible at grandma’s house, even local grandma’s. Babies require enormous amounts of paraphernalia. Making it easier for the parents means they will come more often. It also means keeping up with the parents’ changes and evolution in use of products.
Recently, a cousin with two toddlers visited. I brought out several bags of different shampoos and conditioners and sun screens. She said our home was like being in a store. I responded that, over time, the parents of the grandchildren tried different brands, or I bought a new brand to experiment, so I had several varieties of every product needed for a baby and child. She was so happy and at ease and tried a new organic shampoo she had never previously heard of. She said she loved visiting a house of grandparents.
That is the whole idea, parents and children feeling comfortable and at ease with grandparents, and then being able to be the transition person for parents and children.
It took Grandpa and me being the transition grandparents for our third grandchild to sleep away camp to have an epiphany.
The importance of growing into being the transition grandparents grows as the grandchildren grow. It not only makes transitions in childhood easier for the grandchildren and their parents, bringing such ease and assistance to the parents of the grandchildren, it brings such joy to us grandparents.
Our grandson was sad leaving his parents, but not as sad as if it was his parents who took him to sleep away camp for the first time. After all, Grandpa and I were taking him on a vacation to Boston before going to camp in Maine. We had a wonderful time and his mind was on the activities, not leaving his parents for sleep away camp. When we dropped him off at sleep away camp, he was more than fine and said goodbye easily, taking off for an
activity without looking back.
Of course! He is used to saying goodbye to us after visits. Either he is going home or we are going home. It is natural for us to leave him, in his eyes. He went off to have fun with none of the teary goodbye his parents would have had.
We must remember this for the future and are sorry we had to get to our third grandchild before realizing how we served both he and his parents with an easy transition for a milestone in growing up.
Joy,
Mema
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