The holidays are here and soon we are inundated with our children and grandchildren. Talking with a long (we never say old) friend, we wondered where the years went. Our children are making plans with their friends from their youth at our homes. We discussed how this is an extension of what we did when we were raising children, how we chose to live our family lives, and how we continue to do so. We discussed how lucky we are, as we know parents who put in as much time and effort in our children who had serious problems with their children. Of course, holiday dinners were extended family events, but more than that, friends of the children and their parents were always welcome.
But we did and do something intentionally and wonder if making our homes the place where our children and their friends wanted to gather has helped reap when we have now, our grown children still gathering at our homes decades later. We were both working parents. We both made our homes inviting for our children’s friends. It was selfish. Working hard on weekdays meant that we wanted our children to be near on the weekends.
Every one of this Grandma’s children’s close friends had a portion of a shelf in the pantry that contained their favorite cereal and snacks. We had a ping pong table outside in the back screened deck. The playroom, visible to the main living area for safety, had a closet full of board games, now coming back in style. The one family computer, pre Ipads, was in the playroom. Nintendo games were fought over by the adults as well as children. We had tetris contests and other game family contests.
And we laughed at how much we chauffeured. We realized then that we learned the truth about what was going on in our preteen and teenagers’ lives by listening quietly as we chauffeured them to the movies, the mall, activities, etc. The hard part was remaining quiet while listening carefully and making believe the car was driving itself.
Our friends and I made sure that all of the children’s friends were not only welcome but safe. We stayed home on weekend nights and, after the children or their friends started driving, we did not allow driving after 10:30 pm at night, so we invariably had many children sleeping over. I had read that car accidents increase after 10:30 pm.
Now, our grandchildren’s favorite cereals and snacks line the pantry. Now, we are hosting those same friends of our children with their children. They feel welcome still and come to our home to see our children and grandchildren.
We now see the results of our planning and labors and reap what we sow.
Yes, this Grandma is exhausted serving and cleaning up after generations of children still.
But I would never have it any other way.
Joy,
Mema
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