This Grandma was taught about Siblings Day from her oldest grandson. He put a picture on Instagram of his sister and himself and was counting “likes.” Yes, I am back on Instagram too. How could I not “like” a picture of my grandchildren.
Then, of course, I went on the Internet to learn more about “Siblings Day,” wondering if the”holiday” was a creation of Hallmark to sell more greeting cards. No. According to Wikipedia, “Siblings Day (sometimes called National Siblings Day) is a holiday recognized annually in some parts of the United States on April 10th honoring the relationships of siblings. Unlike Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, it is not federally recognized, though the Siblings Day Foundation is working to change this. Since 1998, the governors of 39 states have officially issued proclamations to recognize Siblings Day in their state. The holiday was originally conceived by Claudia Evart to honor the memory of her brother and sister, both of whom had died at early ages.”
I learned that most of us in the U.S. have siblings: “In the US, 79% of all children have siblings when growing up. The holiday is intended to be a celebration of the relationship of brothers and sisters. 2015 marks the 14th year the day has been celebrated.”
Then, going on Twitter (I am concerned that I am now really getting into these social media sites), I found the best and most heartwarming article that had been “retweeted” on the Huffington Post on line. I have no idea how one “retweets.”
The “retweet” came from The Third Metric and appeared on The Huffington Post on line, “Proof There’s Nothing Quite Like A Sibling Bond,” By Alena Hall. The article gives us studies and theories about the bonds between siblings–the results of seven of them, that the author says have nothing to do with genetics. They are a wonderful tribute to siblings.
Number one:
“They mark our most enduring relationship.”
“Most people will never know another human being for as long as they know their brother or sister. Whether they fought constantly throughout adolescence, lost touch for a period of their adult lives or remained incredibly close and connected from day one, their connection to their sibling (or siblings) will always come first in this sense.”
“The sibling relationship is life’s longest lasting relationship, longer, for the most of us by a quarter of a century, than our ties to our parents,” wrote Stephen Bank and Michael Kahn in The Sibling Bond. “It lasts longer than our relationship with our children, certainly longer than with a spouse, and with the exception of a few lucky men and women, longer than with a best friend.”
Number two really hits home for those of us who are parents. The first child gets 100% of our attention and the second child gets 100% of the older sibling’s attention–a lot of times pawned off by an exhausted parent!
Number Two
“They can be our best teachers.”
“Sibling relationships provide children with their first peer interactions and the first opportunity to handle the different aspects of long-term and intimate relationships. ”
“In a TIME article that preceded his book, The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us, Jeffrey Kluger wrote, “From the time they are born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They are our scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates, counselors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to; how to conduct friendships and when to walk away from them. Sisters teach brothers about the mysteries of girls; brothers teach sisters about the puzzle of boys.”
The third I had never heard before, and I hope it is true.
Number Three
“Their lasting memories focus on the good times…”
“Some people are able to let go of negative experiences better than others. And siblings seem especially capable of this (at least, when it comes to each other). ”
“After the shooting stops, even the fiercest sibling wars leave little lasting damage,” wrote Kluger. “Indeed, siblings who battled a lot as kids may become closer as adults — and more emotionally skilled too, often clearly recalling what their long-ago fights were about and the lessons they took from them… Even those with troubled or self-destructive siblings came away with something valuable: they learned patience, acceptance and cautionary lessons.”
This Grandma personally knows the fourth is true. When our mother was dying of cancer, my brother was there with me every step of the way. We spent many hours in and out of hospital waiting rooms together. We understood and stood by each other, complimenting each other, as difficult end of life decisions had to be made.
Number Four
“… Yet, the bad times bring them even closer.”
“Siblings that experience traumatic events together, whether it be the divorce of their parents or the sudden loss of a loved one, maintain the ability to put their differences aside and band together for strength and support. They work through the pain, experience tough life lessons with a stable support system and often grow closer than ever. ”
“Drawing on the example of the death of a parent in his writings, Kluger insists that such childhood crises are best at creating these impermeable links between siblings. “When older sibs step in to help raise younger ones, the dual role of contemporary and caretaker can lay the foundation for an indestructible closeness later on.”
I know my brother and I are different, but I appreciate his differences. Yes, I understand number five very well too.
Number Five
“They thrive on differences.”
“Past scholars who researched the sibling connection and the role of genetics often focused on the differences between siblings, rather than the similarities. However, how little siblings have in common actually works to their advantage from a psychological standpoint.”
“We are learning that it is more than genetics that makes siblings different: parents and the siblings themselves perpetuate the differences and often celebrate them,” wrote Bank and Kahn. “The relationships which we have with our siblings thrive on differences — not only the ones we have had as children, but those which we continue to create as adults. Difference — like similarity — helps to make lively our connections even when these connections are upsetting or uncomfortable. Being different makes the bond work.”
Yes, number six resonates as well.
Number Six
“They intuitively understand one another.”
“Whether it’s because of all the time spent together while growing up or the lack of need to pass judgment on each other, there is something unique about the way siblings are able to understand each other. ”
“Child psychologist Terri Apter explains this sibling knowledge in her book The Sister Knot. “They may not always admire you, but they’ll always be intensely interested in you,” she wrote. “If you ask a sibling to describe a parent, a friend or a sibling, it is the sibling that the child will describe with most sophistication and detail, in terms of their character and habits. This is why they are so significant.'”
Now being in “young old,” until age 84 according to GG (great grandmother), I know that “old old” follows, and it is then when travel ends and the difficulties of aging appear. I am not waiting until “old old” to encourage my brother to move nearer to me. He is reluctant, being the younger sibling, more reluctant to face such a future. I do denial well. He does denial better.
Number Seven
“They’re supportive — especially later in life.”
“As siblings age, their unparalleled bond could actually make a difference in their well-being, particularly as they reach elderly age. ”
“In fact, research shows that as people get older, their morale seems to be higher if their siblings are also living. In addition, research shows that elderly men with sisters seem to be more emotionally secure than those without sisters. Interestingly, the supportive benefits of this relationship were not dependent on how often the siblings interacted — it was their existence and availability that mattered most.”
I take back all the negativity I first had when I heard of “Siblings Day.”
I dedicate this post to my beloved “baby” brother on Siblings Day with love and
Joy,
Mema
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