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On Sharing Grandma’s Views on Spanking

We always knew it.  Spanking a child does no good.  It is usually done when a parent is angry and is a wrong teaching moment.  Now we have proof.  A new study was published in the Journal of Pediatrics, and reported in the Sun-Sentinel, October 23, 2013, “Study:  Spanking Leads to Aggression, Lower Word Scores.  What is new about this study?  Deborah Netburn, the author of the article, quotes an author of the study:


“Only a few studies have looked at the cognitive effects of spanking,” said Michael MacKenzie, an associate professor at Columbia University and lead author of the study.  “We are still trying to learn if spanking has a direct effect on early brain development, or if families that spank more are less likely to read to their kids and use more complex language.”


And, the results of this study:


The latest evidence of the negative effects of spanking comes from researchers at Columbia University.  After analyzing data from more than 1,500 families, they found that children spanked in early childhood are not only more likely to be aggressive as older children, they are also more likely to do worse on vocabulary tests than peers who had not been spanked. . . .The researchers found a clear connection with spanking at age 5 and the child’s behavior at age 9.


It seems that there is a difference between being spanked by Mother or Father:

Compared with children who were never spanked by their mothers, those who were spanked at least twice a week scored 2.66 points higher on a test of aggression and rule-breaking, while those spanked less frequently scored 1.17 points higher, according to the study.  . . . Compared with children who were never spanked by their dads, those spanked at least twice a week scored 5.7 points lower on a vocabulary test, the researchers found.

This Grandma knows what you are doing – figuring out if it is the Mother or Father or both parents of your precious grandchild who cannot seem to keep their hands to themselves and the consequences of the study results.


In our household, we always said, “people are not for hitting.”  I have no recollection where that saying came from, but we had a zero tolerance for any hitting, including sibling to sibling.  The study does not address when parents “allow” the siblings to hit each other, turning a blind eye or not treating that with the importance it deserves.  When Grandpa or I see a grandchild sibling hitting on another grandchild sibling, we intercede immediately and say our saying, “people are not for hitting.”


However, as grandma, I realize I must keep my mouth shut about spanking to the parents of our grandchildren, as I must keep my mouth shut about a lot of things I wish I did not have to keep my mouth shut about.  Maintaining a close relationship with grandchildren sometimes means stepping back and letting their parents make their own mistakes.  But something as important as the negative effects of spanking make keeping ones mouth shut impossible!


So, what is a grandma to do?

The easiest way to get a point across is directly.  Pass the article along by email to all of the parents of your grandchildren at the same time, not directing it solely toward the “spanking parents.”  Generally, refer to a recent study you read about or heard about in the news.  Click here.


Discuss it directly with your child, not the daughter-in-law or son-in-law.  Avoid hurting feelings by trying to communicate with the parent of your grandchild who is not your child and may misunderstand your motive.  As a matter of fact, this Grandma says always deal with your own child on anything to do with your grandchildren.  Remember the study included the need to read more to children and use more complex language too.


When you happen to be present when a grandchild is spanked in anger, remove yourself from the situation and deal with it later.  No good can come of direct grandma intervention here.  But, do speak to your own child later about what can and should be done about the negative behavior.


Unfortunately, even if grandma has a wonderful relationship with the in-laws, talking about their son or daughter spanking a grandchild can be taken wrong—spanking in anger is usually a learned behavior.  We have to hope that they see it too and directly intervene with their child who is also the parent of our grandchildren, especially now, when we have a study that proves spanking leads to aggression and lower test scores.  As a matter of fact, it might not be a bad idea to start including the in-laws in the mass emails about new studies.


After all, we do not have the responsibility of raising our grandchildren, but we always have the responsibility of being responsible parents to the parents of our grandchildren, especially when the best interests of our grandchildren are at stake.


We all want to make life as perfect as we can for our grandchildren so we all can share the



Joy,


Mema

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