Watching the Today Show on NBC, March 30, 2015, this Grandma’s attention was drawn to a segment on a new study that the amount of time mothers spend with their children, ages 3 to 11, has little relationship to how successful those kids become in life. This is a new, wide-scale study that will be published in April 2015 by the Journal of Marriage and Family. For those of you interested, you can read the entire study at Amazon S3.
In the article on NBC online, “Quality over Quantity: New Study Brings Time-Squeezed Parents Relief,” by Eun Kyung, she says:
“When it comes to parenting, quality actually does trump quantity, according to a new study prompting sighs of relief from guilt-ridden, time-squeezed parents nationwide.”
“Success is far more dependent on the mother’s education level and family income, say the report’s researchers, Melissa Milkie at University of Toronto, Kei Nomaguchi at Bowling Green, and Kathleen Denny at University of Maryland. “
When this Grandma was in the minority of working mothers, my then eight year old gave me a huge ration of guilt. She said when she grew up, she was going to stay home with her children, not like me, who worked and left her home with a nanny. Yes, that led to many distressful days of guilt, maybe years of guilt that I had somehow deprived the child.
Today, she is a working professional and a working mother of two. She does not remember what she told me when she was eight years old.
And, she too, feels the guilt of being a working mother. Sometimes, too, this Grandma feels the guilt of being a working grandmother and unable to be available to the grandchildren.
Somehow, I know in my hearts of heart that I was a wonderful role model for my daughters. They saw that you cannot have it all all of the time, but must prioritize and sacrifice to do it all.
It is wonderful that the study on time with children allows parents and grandmas to be free of guilt. Eun Kyung continues:
“The study also found that mothers today are actually spending more engaged time with their children than they did in the 1970’s, and that’s even with more of them in the workforce.”
“The report also debunked another common myth: That time spent specifically with mom is better than time spent with anyone else. Instead, the study said that the more time children, particularly adolescents, spend with both parents during meals and other moments of family time, the more likely they will be as teenagers to stay focused and out of trouble.”
“The study also found that common stress often displayed by parents, like guilt and anxiety, could actually lead to a negative impact on children.”
“Moms tend to be guilting themselves into craziness, right?” said work-life balance expert Samantha Ettus. “We’re constantly putting so much pressure on themselves to be with our children as much as possible.”
“Instead, the authors of the parenting study encourage parents to ease up on the guilt and spend more time at family dinners.”
But, do they really expect us to cook all those dinners?
Eating together and sharing everyone’s day seems to be the key. This Grandma loves the tradition and ritual that the oldest daughter does at dinner each day, asking the children what was the best part of their day and the worst part of their day.
You guessed it. My favorite answer is when they say the best part of the day is having some
Joy
with
Mema