PBS American Masters had a television special on Marvin Hamlisch. If you have an opportunity to watch it, it is well worth your time. What caught my attention, in addition to his amazing talent and contribution to music, was his philosophy of “use every moment” in life. As a child of parents who escaped Germany before the Holocaust, he said he was expected to excel and use every moment. Standards set by his immigrant parents were high. This Grandma can relate. His philosophy is also found in a song he wrote, “While I Still Have the Time.” The performance of this song is at You Tube.
In the television special, many collaborators and singers and stars were quoted. I like the quote by John Lithgow the best. He said Marvin Hamlisch gave a lot of joy and experienced a lot of joy.
I am no Marvin Hamlisch, but I would like that to be my epitaph as a grandma: that this Grandma gave a lot of joy and experienced a lot of joy. While I still have the time, I want my grandchildren to know how much joy I experience having them in my life.
To be able to have the experience of being a grandma, when so many in our family were robbed of that opportunity by the Holocaust, this grandma time is that much more precious. To be able to be the grandma I never had, to give unconditional love and approval, and to bring joy into a grandchild’s life is that much more precious. Going to all my grandma friends to learn the best grandma tips was the beginning of my own grandma joy. It is said that planning for a journey is as much fun as the journey and makes the journey more pleasurable. Knowing I am doing my best as a grandma to bring joy to my grandchildren to pass on to the grandchildren of my grandchildren is such personal joy.
As a mother, I had the responsibility of raising children, had to provide boundaries, discipline and structure. Saying no is not giving joy, and parents must say no. I love being a grandma where, unless it is a matter of safety, I never have to say no. As I learned from other grandma “experts,” I just say freeze and find a parent to do the discipline (or change the poop). I love seeing the world anew in the eyes of a grandchild. I love watching their milestones. I love watching them in their activities, with their friends, with their parents. I love listening to their dreams, ideas and goals. I just love being in their presence.
As a grandma, I have the responsibility to be the glue to keep the extended family together and for the grandchildren to know their close family and appreciate family. This Grandma plans events, vacations, and trips to bring the family together. Shutterfly books memorialize these. Annual photograph albums memorialize these. I can just picture my grandchildren looking at these books and albums with their grandchildren. Creating new traditions and experiences when there is no family history due to the Holocaust is a primary goal. Seeing the traditions go on and the family together brings this Grandma such joy.
Everything I say or do as a grandma is to try to bring joy into life of grandchild. If they want their mom or dad when with me, I make sure the grandchild goes to them as soon as possible. Making a grandchild’s life as happy as I can is my goal. I love teaching them that it is okay to dream, to want and get what they want within reason, but before they buy anything, to read reviews first to see if item is worth it! Would you expect less from a grandma whose longest hobby is shopping? There is such grandma joy in facilitating all kinds of experiences in their lives. Every grandma moment brings a smile to my face. I try to keep reminding the parents of our grandchildren to notice how wonderful the grandchildren are and appreciate and enjoy the small moments too. Life is too short not to appreciate the children and grandchildren in one’s life.
Yes, my back hurts when the grandchildren leave. Yes, the house is in disarray–but it is weeks before I am able to clean their fingerprints off the walls and windows. Yes, I am exhausted and tend to go to bed when they go to bed when I am with them—and for days after they leave. Yes, I hurt when they hurt but I also get to share the joy of their lives too.
Yes, this Grandma gives a lot of joy and experiences a lot of joy. While I still have the time, I want my grandchildren to know how much joy I experience having them in my life.
Joy,
Mema
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